Top 10 ways to use up cheese leftovers

Christmas is to eating what Black Friday is to spending: one big binge. At least it is in my case. Somehow, after a three course mega-meal I still managed to find room for copious chunks of Comté and Monte Veronese (the latter is truly the dairy version of Pringles. Try it, you’ll see).

Now, the food coma has just about subsided and the fridge is chock full. 

Are you stuck with half a wheel of Brie? Perhaps there was the Stilton that didn't quite get away, or a half-eaten slab of Manchego. Whatever you have left, never fear, there’s a dish out there crying out for it. In fact, I've kindly put together a list to help all of those poor leftover cheeses that would otherwise be languishing on the shelf. Take pity, and try some of these.

Have a cheesy new year!

1. Brie, apple & onion tart – great for using up extra cranberry sauce, too. Serve hot or cold. 

2. Brussels sprout, bacon & Stilton pizzettas – add other toppings as you desire: sprouts, ham, turkey. The pizzetta is your oyster 

3. Cheeseboard soufflé & seasonal salad – not only does this use up all of your cheese, it looks super impressive 

4. Boxing day quesadillas – forget the turkey sandwich, take your tastebuds to Mexico 

5. Christmas quiche – this will take care of any Cheddar and Stilton rejects 

6. Green veggie fritters – best with soft cheeses, and, with all the added greens, sorta healthy 

7. Oozy cheesy pasta with crispy pangritata – it’s oozy, it’s cheesy, what’s not to love? 

8. Watercress and Wensleydale soup - Wallace would be proud 

9. Potato croquettes with bacon and cheese – instead of making a new batch, you could mash up your leftover spuds too 

10. Quick croque madame – au revoir, Gruyere! Plus, a quick way to use up all of that delicious leftover ham 

Macaroni magic

What better way to celebrate the versatility of cheese than pouring it over pasta and baking in the oven? 

Macaroni cheese is the ultimate comfort food; a golden bowl of squishy delight perfect for chilly grey days and dark nights. And, what’s more, it’s a super easy dish.

Before hitting the oven

I followed Nigella’s simple Mini Macaroni recipe from one of her previous books, Nigella Express. She lists not one, nor two but four different cheeses. I used all except the mascarpone — three seemed sufficient.

So, was my attempt as delectable as Nigella promised? 

Frankly, yes.

Show time

I went a bit overboard on the macaroni quantity so the sauce was spread thinner over a huge mass of pasta. I also used mature Gouda instead of Gruyère — Lidl was lacking in Gruyère at the time. While the result was tasty, it probably would have been improved with a stronger-tasting cheese, as recommended in the recipe.

Nevertheless, it had a peppery kick, and as I’d made six portions, I felt obliged to demolish another one a few hours later. Happy days.

The last straw

A friend pluckily brought this one back from a recent holiday to France, and I can safely say it is one of the strongest cheeses I’ve ever encountered, if not the funkiest. Don’t worry, I didn’t microwave this one.

First impressions were: straw mat, nice touch (“sur paille” means on straw). Sweet little birds, flowers and a fancy font.

Don’t let the cutesy packaging mislead you; Coulommiers means stinky business!

Named after a commune in the Seine-et-Marne department from France, it has a similar consistency to Brie, punctuated with little holes and a gloopy consistency. Unsurprising, then, that it is indeed a member of the Brie family, just smaller, denser and much stronger. It’s also made from unpasteurised milk as per the “au lait cru” written on the front.

I recommend diffusing the funky taste with a sweet accompaniment such as strawberry jam or redcurrant jelly. Not for the faint of heart, but certainly worth a nibble or two if you’re up to it.

10 of the best cheese jokes

Let’s say you’re at a dinner party or down the pub. I guarantee that on one of these occasions, after a few drinks, someone will get the (mozzarella) ball rolling. Before you know it, you’re all groaning at the cheese jokes you’ve heard 100 times before, while desperately trying to outdo your friends with equally awful puns.

This is how it went at my friend’s wedding this weekend. We were taking a break from the dancefloor, the alcohol was flowing — it was inevitable that someone started the cheese banter. I even made one up and there were lols! Twas a proud moment.

And so I was inspired to pen this post: a dedication to the cheese joke. I declare these 10 the crème de la crème of fromage-related wit. Read them, remember them and reel them off at a future social gathering. You won’t fail to impress.

1) What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror?

Halloumi

2) What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth

3) Which cheese would you use to coax a bear from the woods?

Camembert!

4) What do you call cheese that’s not yours?

Nacho cheese

5) What music does cheese like?

R’n’Brie

6) What do you call a curly-haired cheese?

Permesan

7) What do you call a crazy cheese?

Emmental*

8) Would a smoked cheese grow on a tree?

No, but an Applewood

9) Why did the cheese lose a fight with a stone?

Because the Roquefort back

10) Which is the most feminist cheese?

Germaine Gruyère

Disagree? Tell me your faves.


*Copyright Laura Caun 2015