10 of the best cheese jokes

Let’s say you’re at a dinner party or down the pub. I guarantee that on one of these occasions, after a few drinks, someone will get the (mozzarella) ball rolling. Before you know it, you’re all groaning at the cheese jokes you’ve heard 100 times before, while desperately trying to outdo your friends with equally awful puns.

This is how it went at my friend’s wedding this weekend. We were taking a break from the dancefloor, the alcohol was flowing — it was inevitable that someone started the cheese banter. I even made one up and there were lols! Twas a proud moment.

And so I was inspired to pen this post: a dedication to the cheese joke. I declare these 10 the crème de la crème of fromage-related wit. Read them, remember them and reel them off at a future social gathering. You won’t fail to impress.

1) What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror?

Halloumi

2) What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth

3) Which cheese would you use to coax a bear from the woods?

Camembert!

4) What do you call cheese that’s not yours?

Nacho cheese

5) What music does cheese like?

R’n’Brie

6) What do you call a curly-haired cheese?

Permesan

7) What do you call a crazy cheese?

Emmental*

8) Would a smoked cheese grow on a tree?

No, but an Applewood

9) Why did the cheese lose a fight with a stone?

Because the Roquefort back

10) Which is the most feminist cheese?

Germaine Gruyère

Disagree? Tell me your faves.


*Copyright Laura Caun 2015

Adventures in New York and New Mexico

It’s been a while since I posted any cheese. My excuse is taking a week off gallivanting in the States, along with the subsequent recovery from the inevitable wearisome jetlag.

While the U.S. is fantastic is many ways—huge portions, actual sunshine, stunning scenery et cetera—I’m not convinced I’d specifically go there to seek out the best cheese, especially compared with the consistently quality produce of the likes of France and Italy back in Europe.

I visited New York and Santa Fe, New Mexico to see my sister and my good friend, who happen to live in these two vastly different places. The contrast is quite extraordinary, from iconic cityscape to breathtaking arid mountains.

New Mexico

I greedily embraced New Mexican food, which doesn’t seem all that dissimilar from Mexican cuisine: avocado heaven!

Within the dairy realm, I enjoyed an exquisite flan from the respected Rancho De Chimayo Restaurante near famed Catholic pilgrimage center—El Santuario de Chimayo.

Back in arty Santa Fe (there are nearly 300 galleries!), I tried a grilled cheese sandwhich from The French Pastry Shop with Emmental, olives and tomato, which in fact was disappointing. I felt the cheese could have been softer and would have done well with some chutney. 

The enchiladas from Del Charro, a cosy laid-back pub/restaurant (Santa Fe's Central Perk), was a better experience: this cheese was definitely melted. It was also the first enchilada I've tried that included tofu. A healthy enchilada perhaps? Suuure.

While Santa Fe wins on the avocado front, as far as cheese goes, New York conquered my heart. My favourite cheese experience of the trip came courtesy of Brooklyn’s Hungry Ghost in Prospect Heights. Ever tried Brie with ham, mango chutney and garam masala mustard? I hadn’t either. Trust me, the marriage of creamy and curried flavours is sublime. We were hungover as hell and this exotic sandwich, accompanied by crunchy southern veg soup, worked a treat to nourish our tired and hungry souls; the ghosts of the night before were duly banished.

Hangover cure: Brie, ham, mango chutney and garam masala mustard sandwich with southern veg soup